Marital Family Law and Marital Family Lawyers

Lawyers for marital famiily law in Florida:Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Boca Raton, West Palm Beach, Orlando, Jacksonville, Tampa, Clearwater, Atlanta and all of Florida and Georgia can go over all the facts with you. Lawyers for martial family law are for hire and do charge an hourly fee for their service. Some may offer a free inital consultation

Residency Requirements: In order to file for a Dissolution of Marriage( in Florida,) you or your spouse must meet the strict residency requirements. These requirements permit the court to have jurisdiction of your case, resulting in allowing you to use their judicial system. These requirements are only a concern for spouses who have recently relocated or plan to relocate in the near future. They are as follows:

To obtain a dissolution of marriage, one of the parties to the marriage must reside 6 months in the state before the filing of the petition. The dissolution of marriage can be filed in the county in which either or both spouses reside. (Florida Statutes – Chapters: 61.021)

No-Fault Grounds: Most uncontested Dissolution of Marriage cases are filed according to a "no-fault" ground. We are using the term "no-fault" in a generic fashion by labeling all grounds that do not actually declare a "fault" as "no-fault". In the state of Florida the "no-fault" grounds are as follows:

(1) The marriage is irretrievably broken.

Filing Party Name: The Petitioner. This is the spouse who is recognized as the initiator of the Dissolution of Marriage and is the one who actually files the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage with the county court.

Non-Filing Party Name: The Respondent. This spouse plays a lesser role in an uncontested Dissolution of Marriage versus a contested Dissolution of Marriage. He or she will be required to sign and/or respond in a timely fashion to the documents filed by his or her spouse.

Family Law or Domestic Relations Court: In the Circuit Court in and for the County of __________, Florida. All Dissolution of Marriage cases in the state of Florida are facilitated through this court for that particular county.

Clerk's Name: All correspondence with a Florida clerk of the court should formally address him or her as follows: County Clerk's Office of the Circuit Court.

Property and Debt Division: Florida is considered an "equitable distribution" state. If you and your spouse are unable to come to an agreement on how the marital property will be divided, the court shall use a three step process. First, it will determine what property is marital. Second, it will put a value on the marital property. Third, it will divide the marital property in an equitable fashion, which is not necessarily equal, but rather what is considered to be fair.

The court will consider the following factors, including: (1) The contribution to the marriage by each spouse, including contributions to the care and education of the children and services as homemaker. (2) The economic circumstances of the parties. (3) The duration of the marriage. (4) Any interruption of personal careers or educational opportunities of either party. (5) The contribution of one spouse to the personal career or educational opportunity of the other spouse. (6) The desirability of retaining any asset, including an interest in a business, corporation, or professional practice, intact and free from any claim or interference by the other party. (7) The contribution of each spouse to the acquisition, enhancement, and production of income or the improvement of, or the incurring of liabilities to, both the marital assets and the nonmarital assets of the parties. (8) The desirability of retaining the marital home as a residence for any dependent child of the marriage, or any other party, when it would be equitable to do so, it is in the best interest of the child or that party (9) The intentional dissipation, waste, depletion, or destruction of marital assets after the filing of the petition or within 2 years prior to the filing of the petition. (10) Any other factors necessary to do equity and justice between the parties. (Florida Statutes – Chapters: 61.075 and 61.077)

Spousal Support, Maintenance, or Alimony: Determining the amount of spousal support, if any, is not as objective as determining child support. Spousal support, whether permanent or temporary, is typically decided on a case-by-case basis, because it is very likely that unique circumstances and factors regarding the marriage and the property award will play a significant role in allowing the court to arrive at the appropriate amount.

In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage, the court may grant alimony to either party, which alimony may be rehabilitative or permanent in nature. In any award of alimony, the court may order periodic payments or payments in lump sum or both. The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded.

In determining a proper award of alimony or maintenance, the court shall consider all relevant economic factors, including but not limited to: (1) The standard of living established during the marriage. (2) The duration of the marriage. (3) The age and the physical and emotional condition of each party. (4) The financial resources of each party, the nonmarital and the marital assets and liabilities distributed to each. (5) When applicable, the time necessary for either party to acquire sufficient education or training to enable such party to find appropriate employment. (6) The contribution of each party to the marriage, including, but not limited to, services rendered in homemaking, child care, education, and career building of the other party. (7) All sources of income available to either party. The court may consider any other factor necessary to do equity and justice between the parties.

To the extent necessary to protect an award of alimony, the court may order any party who is ordered to pay alimony to purchase or maintain a life insurance policy or a bond, or to otherwise secure such alimony award with any other assets which may be suitable for that purpose. (Florida Statutes – Chapters: 61.08)

Custody and Visitation: Shared or joint child custody has become more and more popular with the Florida courts. If you and your spouse request to have joint or shared "legal" custody, it will almost always be granted. As for joint or shared "physical" custody, the court will examine this a bit more closely to determine if it is a realistic choice that would result in an arrangement that is best for the children.

The court shall have jurisdiction to determine custody, notwithstanding that the child is not physically present in this state at the time of filing any proceeding under this chapter, if it appears to the court that the child was removed from this state for the primary purpose of removing the child from the jurisdiction of the court in an attempt to avoid a determination or modification of custody.

The court shall determine all matters relating to custody of each minor child of the parties in accordance with the best interests of the child and in accordance with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. It is the public policy of this state to assure that each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents separate or the marriage of the parties is dissolved and to encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities, and joys, of childrearing. After considering all relevant facts, the father of the child shall be given the same consideration as the mother in determining the primary residence of a child irrespective of the age or sex of the child. (Florida Statutes – Chapters: 61.13)

Determining Child Support: The basis for determining a monthly support amount is best achieved by referring to the Florida child support worksheet. The worksheet utilizes the child support guidelines that are defined by state law. The court will use this same worksheet as a building block for determining the support obligation, that is if you and your spouse are unable to come to an agreement on this issue.

The court has the right to order child support according the Florida Child Support Guidelines. These guidelines are based on the income of each parent along with applicable deviation factors that may exist. If the parents can not come to a reasonable agreement on the child support amount the court will use the support guidelines located in the Florida Statutes.

The court may adjust the minimum child support award, or either or both parents' share of the minimum child support award, based upon the following considerations: A. Extraordinary medical, psychological, educational, or dental expenses. B. Independent income of the child, not to include moneys received by a child from supplemental security income. C. The payment of support for a parent which regularly has been paid and for which there is a demonstrated need. D. Seasonal variations in one or both parents' incomes or expenses. E. The age of the child, taking into account the greater needs of older children. F. Special needs, such as costs that may be associated with the disability of a child, that have traditionally been met within the family budget even though the fulfilling of those needs will cause the support to exceed the proposed guidelines. G. Total available assets of the obligee, obligor, and the child. H. The impact of the Internal Revenue Service dependency exemption and waiver of that exemption. The court may order the primary residential parent to execute a waiver of the Internal Revenue Service dependency exemption if the noncustodial parent is current in support payments. I. When application of the child support guidelines requires a person to pay another person more than 55 percent of his or her gross income for a child support obligation for current support resulting from a single support order. J. The particular shared parental arrangement, such as where the child spends a significant amount of time, but less than 40 percent of the overnights, with the noncustodial parent, thereby reducing the financial expenditures incurred by the primary residential parent; or the refusal of the noncustodial parent to become involved in the activities of the child. K. Any other adjustment which is needed to achieve an equitable result which may include, but not be limited to, a reasonable and necessary existing expense or debt. Such expense or debt may include, but is not limited to, a reasonable and necessary expense or debt which the parties jointly incurred during the marriage. (Florida Statutes – Chapters: 61.13 and 61.30)
Divorce

A divorce is an order by a court that a valid marriage no longer exists. A divorce leaves both parties free to remarry. A judgment of divorce (the formal paper issued by the court) usually provides for division of property and makes arrangements for child custody and support, if applicable.

Although divorces may be emotionally contentious, most divorces (probably more than 95 percent) do not end up in a contested trial. Usually the parties negotiate and settle such things as division of property, spousal support, and child custody between themselves, often with an attorney’s help. Sometimes parties reach an agreement by mediation, with a trained mediator who tries to help husband and wife identify and accommodate common interests. The parties then present their negotiated or mediated agreement to a judge. Approval of a mediated agreement is virtually automatic if the agreement appears to meet a minimal standard of fairness.

If parties are unable to agree about property, support, and child custody, they may ask the court to decide one or more of those issues.

A threshold requirement for obtaining a divorce in most states is residency or domicile of one or both parties who are to be divorced. “Residency” refers to the state in which a person lives; “domicile” refers to the state that the person regards as “home.” Usually the state of a person’s residency and domicile are the same, but sometimes they can be different. For example, a couple may reside four months each year in the state of their “summer home,” but regard another state where they spend the rest of the year as their true home (and that state would be the state of their domicile).

Residency (or domicile) requirements vary. A few states have no residency requirement. That means a person can arrive in a state and seek a divorce on the same day. Residency requirements of other states range from six weeks to one year; six months is the most common time period. In states with a residency requirement, a party must have lived in the state for the specified period before a divorce can be granted.

The party seeking a divorce must state a ground for divorce in the papers filed with the court. The grounds may be based on no-fault or fault, depending on the state. All states now offer no-fault divorces, although some states require a long period of separation before a no-fault-divorce is granted. Approximately thirty-two states also offer fault-based grounds as an additional option.

A no-fault divorce is a divorce in which neither the wife nor husband blames the other for breakdown of the marriage. There are no accusations necessary to obtain a divorce—no need to prove “guilt” or “fault.” Common bases for a no-fault divorce are “irreconcilable differences,” “irretrievable breakdown,” or “incompatibility.” As those terms imply, the marriage is considered to be over, but the court and the legal documents do not try to assign blame.

Another common basis for a no-fault divorce is that the parties have lived separately for a certain period of time, such as for six months or a year, with the intent that the separation be permanent.

Over the last forty years, “no-fault” has replaced “fault” as the dominant basis for obtaining a divorce. No-fault divorces are considered a more humane and realistic way to end a marriage. Husbands and wives who are divorcing usually are suffering enough without adding more fuel to the emotional fires by trying to prove who-did-what-to-whom. The laws of no-fault divorce recognize that human relationships are complex and that it is difficult to prove that a marriage broke down solely because of what one person did.

Some critics of no-fault divorces are concerned that an economically dependent spouse may not be adequately protected when it is so easy for the other spouse to obtain a divorce. The critics argue that no-fault divorces result in lower awards of property and support to economically dependent spouses than fault-based divorces. Proof of cause-and-effect on this issue is far from certain.

In the approximately thirty-two states that allow divorces based on fault (in addition to no-fault divorces), the grounds for fault-based divorces vary. Here is a list of the possible grounds: (1) adultery, (2) physical cruelty, (3) mental cruelty, (4) attempted murder, (5) desertion, (6) habitual drunkenness, (7) use of addictive drugs, (8) insanity, (9) impotency (usually unknown to the partner at the time of marriage), and (10) infection of one's spouse with venereal disease.
Deciding Whether to Divorce is not easy but,Lawyers for marital family law can help

The decision to divorce usually is not an easy one. It is common to go through periods of ambivalence when deciding whether or not to stay with a marriage. The ultimate decision may based on a combination of logic, intuition, and gut feeling.

Placing structure on the decision-making process can be helpful. If you are considering divorce, you might benefit from making a series of lists. The first two lists could be reasons to stay married and reasons to divorce. The reasons would include what you like and don’t like about your spouse as well as other factors, such as impact on your children, impact on your relationships with extended family and friends, financial security, and the day-to-day needs and services provided by your spouse.

You’ll note that not all items on the list are of equal weight. If you like approaching issues in a quantitative way, you might try assigning a number value to each item on the lists (“five” for high importance; “three” for middle importance; and “one” for low importance). Add the columns. See how the numbers compare. Put the list away for a while, and then look at it again to see if there are other factors or changes in the importance of items on the list.

Another list (somewhat related to the first two) is a set of goals for your life. Try to list all the important goals—perhaps a warm, sharing relationship with a mate; productive, happy children; time with friends; a satisfying job; financial security; travel; recreational activities; and spiritual growth. Then go through the list again and try to figure out how staying with your mate will advance or interfere with the goals, and, conversely, how a divorce will advance or interfere with those goals.

When a marriage is in a rocky period, it is common after yet another fight or another humiliation to think, “I can’t take this any more! I’ve got to get out of this relationship!” The time may come when that is true, but the negative times also may be part of a cycle that needs to be placed in perspective.

One way of gaining that perspective is to keep a log or make marks on a calendar regarding how you feel – about your spouse, your marriage, yourself, or life in general. Make brief notations (perhaps in code if you are worried about discovery) about how you feel each day. Keep the log for a month or two and then look at the overall picture. Do the bad days really outnumber the good? Is there a pattern to the good days or bad? Do the same issues arise?

The decision of whether or not to divorce boils down to the question: “Am I better off with my spouse or without my spouse?” The answer lies not only in how you feel about your spouse and how your spouse feels about you, but also in an assessment of how your total life will be different after a divorce. There may be prospects for a better romantic relationship after a divorce, but other things will be different too. Will that total cluster of differences be a net improvement or a net deficit?

On the subject of hope for a better relationship in the future, take inventory of the reasons for the breakdown of the current relationship and try to assess if you truly have the perspectives and skills for a better relationship next time around.

A deep perspective on what went wrong is hard to achieve. It takes some genuine soul-searching with careful attention to patterns that developed early in life. Many therapists have noted that people seem to have an unconscious radar that draws them to mates who have significant characteristics in common with their parents—particularly the negative characteristics.

Husbands and wives who had conflictual relationships with parents may have vowed not to marry someone with a particular problem. The husband and wife may (or may not) have avoided that problem, but often they zeroed in on a mate who duplicates some other problems from which they came. There is comfort – perhaps unconscious comfort – in things that are familiar, even if the result is conflict.

Before heading out on a new path in the quest to feel whole, it is best to be sure the path will be a better one. In that regard, it may be helpful to consider a study conducted by University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite and her colleagues. Professor Waite found that two-thirds of people who considered themselves unhappily married, but nonetheless stayed married, considered themselves happily married five years later. In explaining the results of the study, the researchers said the persons whose marriages changed from unhappy to happy fell into three broad categories. The largest group outlasted the problems. With passage of time, the sources of conflict or stress eased, including financial problems, job reversals, depression, child problems, and infidelity. The second group actively worked to solve the problem – such as by changing behavior or communication or by seeking help from clergy or secular counselors. For the third group, the marriage problems did not seem to change, but the couples were happier because they found alternative ways to seek fulfillment, despite a mediocre marriage.

There is not a precise, automatic formula for deciding whether or not to divorce. Many counselors, however, agree that there are certain circumstances in which divorce is often the best solution. A divorce may be the best solution if you are married to a person who is abusive; addicted to alcohol, drugs, or gambling; or severely mentally ill. Even in these circumstances, there is the added question: “Is your spouse genuinely willing to seek professional help?” If so, there may be a relationship worth saving. The spouse, however, must actually seek help and stick with it. A mere promise to change followed by a few days of improved conduct is not enough.

Describing more subjective factors in the decision to divorce, psychiatrist Dr. Peter Martin has written in The Ann Landers Encyclopedia A to Z, “In my experience there are only a few factors that would make a marriage impossible to save. One is the absence in both mates of the ability to feel sympathy for the other. This is usually accompanied by a deep unchanging hatred.”

Monitoring your own well-being may also help you work out if you need to get a divorce or make other changes. If you chronically feel sad or if you have low energy, trouble sleeping, and a difficult time focusing on day-to-day tasks, that probably is depression. Similarly, if you are developing anxieties or phobias about things that did not bother you before, or if you are physically ill more frequently than before, these too are signs of trouble. Professional help from a physician or therapist can help, along with an evaluation of how much of the problem is related to the marriage.

For many people contemplating divorce, there is not a single, dramatic circumstance that leads to consideration of divorce. For them, the problems do not include abuse, addiction, or mental illness. Instead, there is a growing malaise (coupled with anger) – a growing sense that the marriage is not working and that the relationship is draining more energy than it is giving back.
Marriage/Divorce Counseling

For many couples, the primary problem is communication.

    Try talking again with your spouse about your feelings. Focus on your feelings and on your partner’s feelings. Talk about what makes you happy or sad – what you each need. Start with subjects that are relatively non-controversial and work up to more sensitive topics.
    Recognize that if you or your spouse came from a family where feelings were suppressed or punished, it is hard to talk freely about how one feels. But also recognize that neither one of you are mind-readers. If you want your spouse to understand how you feel and what you’d like, you have to communicate.
    Talk in a way that is non-accusatory. Name-calling and listing the other’s faults just adds to the anger and usually misses the heart of the issues. Humiliating or demeaning each other is not going to solve the problem.
    If anger erupts, take “time out”… leave the room for a while; take a deep breath; count to ten; hold off discussion of the issue until the next day. Don’t respond in anger. But do tell your partner what makes you feel angry or empty.
    In addition to avoiding verbal anger, watch body language too. A sneer or rolling of eyes can have the same counter-productive effect as a verbal assault.
    To help make sure you each understand what the other is saying, structure the conversations so that you each listen carefully. Allow each of you to speak uninterrupted for a few minutes. After one of you has spoken, have the other repeat the essence of what was said—without commenting on what was said. The goal at this point is to insure that you each understand what the other has said and felt—not to reach agreement on a particular issue.
    Talk about why you feel a certain way. Recall your relationships with parents, siblings, or former spouses. Think about why you may have an emotional allergy to certain things your spouse as done or said. Your “allergic” reaction may be more severe than “normal,” but nonetheless quite understandable when you (and your spouse) see where the reaction is coming from.
    If you have fallen into the habit of not spending private time together and really talking, schedule some time. Take a walk; go on a weekend vacation; schedule a series of half-hours in the evening (but not so late in the evening that you are too tired). If you have children, hire a sitter and go out by yourselves. If you can’t afford a sitter, perhaps a friend or family member can watch the children for a while.
    Find out what little things would make the other happy. Do them (and try to come up with a few things of your own initiative). Work up to bigger things.
    Marriage counseling can be useful. Counselors can be found through a variety of sources, including: family physicians, hospital referral services, crisis intervention programs, other community service programs, friends, Yellow Pages (usually under "Marriage Counselors”), and the internet.

Marriage counseling is not a guarantee of saving a marriage. In order for a marriage to work well, it takes commitment by both partners as well as a reasonably good match of partners in the first place.
Impact of Divorce on Spouses

Divorce, of course, is a stressful time in a person’s life. Emotional reactions include depression, anger, jealously, humiliation, disorientation, sense of loss, and denial that the divorce is actually taking place.

The sense of loss arises not only from loss of positive aspects of a marriage, but also from loss of negative aspects of a marriage. Divorce researchers Andre Derdeyn and Elizabeth Scott have written: “The sense of loss can be just as great if the relationship had long since been almost exclusively negative and conflictual… [T]he intensity of grief is related to the intensity of involvement rather than of love.” For many spouses, the marriage—whether dominantly positive or negative—was an integral part of their emotional being and the loss of the marriage can be very disruptive.

Judith Wallerstein and Joan Kelly, who have researched the effect of divorce on parents and children, found that the average time after a divorce for women to reestablish “inner equilibrium,” “external stability” and “a sense of continuity in their lives” was three to three and one-half years. For men, the average time to reestablish continuity was two to two and one-half years. Men had a shorter recovery time than women because men, as a group, had more external supports, including greater financial security and job satisfaction to help the transition process.

Although most spouses recover from divorce with the passage of time, some do not. For those who do not recover, the decline in adult functioning becomes chronic. Spouses who are not able to regain equilibrium often had their primary identity wrapped up in the marriage and have few inner or external resources on which to fall back.

Parents who divorce often find that their parenting skills drop during the period of divorce. In the time surrounding a divorce, it is common for parents to become more self-centered and less available to the child as parents cope with their own wounds. In most (but not all) cases, parenting skills return to normal after a few years.
Reaction of Children to Divorce

One of a child’s first reactions to divorce is fear of abandonment. The child reasons if one can parent can leave, then the other parent might leave too. The child needs steady reassurance that the child will not be abandoned. Hopefully, the reassurance can come from both parents, including through substantial contact with both parents.

Young children also are concerned that the parent who is moving out will not be taken care of or will not have a place to stay. Some of those concerns can be alleviated by promptly showing the child where the departing dad or mom will live.

Other common reactions of children to divorce include: sleep disturbances, fears of impending disaster, suspiciousness, under-achievement in school, poor peer relationships, emotional constriction, anger, and regression in behavior (such as bed-wetting).

Many children feel powerless and vulnerable in the period during and following a divorce. Assuming the child liked both parents, the child wants to stop the divorce, but cannot. Children often blame themselves for the divorce and think if they had done something different, that their parents would not be divorcing.

Children need to be told—often many times—that the divorce is not their fault . . . that dad and mom are not living together because dad and mom could not get along, not because the child did something wrong.

Although nothing takes all the pain out of divorce for a child, Dr. Wallerstein notes that the manner in which children are told about a divorce will have a lasting effect on them. Certain ways of telling a child will maximize suffering, such as telling the child, “He left us!” or “She does not love us!”

Telling the child that the divorce will not make a difference also is unwise. Obviously, the divorce will make a difference. The child should be given a simple, honest explanation of the divorce, without giving lurid details designed to alienate the child from the other parent. The parents should explain what will be different and what will not be different – including talking about where the child will live, where the child will go to school, and when the child will be with each parent.

The child should be given an opportunity to express feelings and to ask questions. The child also might be told that things will be difficult for a while, but they will improve with the passage of time.

Studies have shown that one of the most important ingredients for a child’s recovery is a close, ongoing relationship with both parents.
Divorce: What It Can and Cannot Do for You

Normally, people contemplating divorce have some idea of what to expect from a divorce. They have witnessed divorces on television and in movies, and often personally know at least a handful of people who have been through a divorce. Increasingly, people have also experienced their own parents' divorce. In spite of this "second-hand" experience, facing your own divorce is one of the more frightening events in life. Not only do you face a court-sanctioned ending of possibly one of the more significant relationships you have ever had, you also must begin to think about such unpleasant things as the division of property and new living accommodations. In many cases, there is also the unhappy prospect of no longer seeing your children on a daily basis.

Predictability and divorce do not go together. But, armed with realistic expectations, you will have the best chance of being satisfied with the end result of your divorce. Consequently, it is wise to understand the realities of what a divorce can and cannot do for you.
What Divorce Can Do

Property Division. A divorce court will attempt to divide the property of a marriage in the most economic way possible. Most states will exclude from this division any property that was acquired prior to the marriage or that was acquired via gift or inheritance. In some states (community property states) this involves a 50/50 split of the property acquired by the parties during the marriage. Other states (non-community property states) will inquire into the couple's individual financial circumstances, financial plans for the future, and other relevant matters in attempting an equitable distribution of the property.

Because the division of property is never predictable, if you have a strong need for some item of property, it may be best to have your attorney negotiate and settle the property distribution ahead of time with your spouse's attorney. For example, you may decide that, although you would really like to stay in the family home, you really need to keep your business. Therefore, you might forgo the home in favor of the business. In this manner, you can attempt to strike a mutually satisfying agreement for dividing property with your spouse.

Support Obligations. Courts will also determine a couple's support obligations. This can come in the form of child support and spousal support (also called "alimony"). Child support payments are now largely set by state law, but deviation from those standards are not uncommon. Also, child support orders may depend on the custody arrangements ordered. In general, spousal support largely depends on the facts of each divorce and the divorcing couple's financial circumstances. Therefore, here again, any attempt at predicting a court's ultimate support decision is often difficult.

Child Custody and Visitation. Aside from the distribution of wealth, the other main function of the divorce court is to set child custody and visitation schedules. This too is anything but predictable. While courts often try to make their decision based on a set of factors said to promote the "best interest" of the child, these decisions can vary from case to case and court to court. After all, in making custody decisions judges are naturally influenced by their own beliefs, opinions and values. Further, judges usually see and hear only the worst of people during heated custody proceedings. So, based on their limited "view" into the parents' lives, a divorce court may not always make the "best" possible decision when it comes to custody. Here again, negotiation and settlement are important options to keep in mind. Everybody involved in the divorce, especially the children, will benefit from a cooperative child custody arrangement.
What Divorce Cannot Do

Guarantee Precise and Equal Division. A divorce cannot accomplish an exact or mathematically equal division of property and time with children. Because no two people, no two marriages, and no two divorces are alike, the judge who enters a divorce order must make the best decision with the limited time and information available. It may not always be the fairest possible decision that could have been reached, and it is certain not to favor you individually in every possible way. Divorce courts often have to make the best of terrible circumstances. For instance, there can be no satisfactory custody arrangement when one parent lives in Cheyenne, Wyoming and the other lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Ensure Civil Relations. Even though a court can set custody and visitation arrangements, it will not be present every Friday when it is time for mom to drop off the kids, and it will not spend the weekend with dad, making sure he does not make snide comments about mom around the children. Ultimately, a court order is just a piece of paper. Mom and dad will STILL have to civilly deal with each other to carry out the terms of the custody and visitation order. Divorce does not take away your responsibility towards your children, and this includes dealing with their other parent, because divorce does not make your ex-spouse any less your child's parent (one exception being cases of abuse).

Maintain Your Standard of Living. You should also recognize that a divorce court cannot increase your salary to prevent your standard of living from declining once you divorce. Unfortunately, from an economic standpoint, it is simply much cheaper for two people to live together and share expenses than it is to maintain two separate households. Divorce will change your standard of living and there is little, if anything, the court can do about the change.

Resolve Emotional Issues. Finally, a court will not be able to punish your ex-spouse or morally vindicate you for all of the bad things that happened while you were married. Moreover, the divorce process will not heal your emotional wounds or even take away the necessity of grieving the failed relationship. That is your job, although you can seek assistance through therapists and support groups.
A Divorce Timeline

When people decide to get a divorce, they usually don't know what to expect. Divorce is a complicated legal process, and it can be full of unpleasant surprises and frustrating delays. A general understanding of what's likely to happen can help you feel more comfortable at an uncomfortable time. The following chronology gives a general idea of how the average divorce proceeds. Your divorce may be a little different because of differences among state laws or because of specific issues between you and your spouse.

1. To start off the divorce, one of the spouses gets a lawyer, who writes up a petition (also known as a complaint), a legal document that says why the spouse wants a divorce and how he or she wants to settle financial, custody, and other issues.

2. The lawyer files the petition or complaint with the court.

3. The lawyer or the court makes sure that the petition/complaint is served on the other spouse, together with a summons that requires that spouse's response.

4. The served spouse has to answer within a certain time (usually about three weeks). The answer says whether or not the served spouse agrees with the petition/complaint. If he or she doesn't answer the petition/complaint, the court assumes that he or she agrees to its terms. The answer (also called a response) indicates how the served spouse would prefer to deal with divorce decisions.

5. The couple exchanges documents and information on issues such as property and income. By examining this information, the couple and the court can decide how to divide up property and how to deal with child support and alimony.

6. Sometimes, the couple can voluntarily resolve all their issues through mediation or settlement. Some states require that divorcing couples go through this process.

7. If a settlement is reached, the settlement agreement is shown to a judge at an informal hearing. The judge will ask a few basic factual questions and whether each party understands and chose to sign the agreement.

8. If the judge approves the agreement, he or she gives the couple a divorce decree that shows what they agreed to. If he or she does not approve it, or if the couple does not reach an agreement, the case will go to trial.

9. At trial, attorneys present evidence and arguments for each side, and the judge decides the unresolved issues, including child custody and visitation, child and spousal support, and property division. Once the judge has reached his or her decision, the judge grants the divorce.

10. Either or both spouses can appeal a judge's decision to a higher court. But it's unusual for an appeals court to overturn a judge's decision. Also, remember that settlements usually cannot be appealed if both spouses agree to their terms.

It's hard to say how long all these steps will take in your case. The entire process can take from as little as a few months, to as long as several years. Generally speaking, the more the couple can cooperate and agree to reasonable compromises, the smoother and faster the divorce will go.
Divorce Glossary

Following is a glossary of terms and phrases related to divorce and the divorce process.These phrases will be used in a divorce proceeding and by lawyers for marital family law.

Alimony. Financial payments made to help support a spouse or former spouse during separation or following divorce. Also called spousal support or spousal maintenance.

Alternative dispute resolution (ADR). Methods of resolving legal disputes without going to trial, in a less adversarial manner, such as through arbitration or mediation.

Arrearage. The amount of money that is past due for child or spousal support.

Child support. Money that a non-custodial parent pays to the custodial parent for their child(ren)'s support.

Child support guidelines. Guidelines established by statute or rule in each jurisdiction that set forth the manner in which child support must be calculated, generally based on the income of the parents and the needs of the children.

Custody. Having rights to your child. Custody can be either legal, which means that you have the right to make important decisions about your child's welfare, or physical, which means that the child lives with and is raised by you.

Decree. The court's written order or decision finalizing the divorce, often issued in conjunction with the court's judgment.

Default. Failing to answer a petition or complaint for divorce. Failing to file an answer or appear in court as required can result in the court awarding everything requested by the filing spouse.

Defendant. The person against whom legal papers are filed, also sometimes referred to as the respondent.

Deposition. Part of the discovery or information-exchanging process of a legal proceeding, in which the attorney for the other party asks you questions, you answer with your attorney present, and a transcript of the proceedings is prepared.

Discovery. The information-exchanging process of a legal proceeding, including serving and answering interrogatories and requests for production of documents, and taking depositions.

Dissolution. Another word for divorce, which is the legal termination of a marriage relationship.

Divorce. The legal termination of a marriage relationship.

Domestic violence. Physical abuse or threats of abuse occurring between members of the same household.

Equitable distribution. A division of property that is fair in view of all of the circumstances. Equitable does not necessarily mean equal.

Interrogatories. Written questions served by the opposing party that must be answered in writing as part of the discovery process.

Joint legal custody. The sharing, by both parents, of the right to make important decisions about a child's welfare.

Joint physical custody. The sharing, by both parents, of the actual physical care and custody of a child.

Legal custody. The right to make important decisions about the raising of your child, on issues such as health care, religious upbringing, education, etc.

Marital property. Generally, all property acquired during the marriage.

Mediation. A form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) for resolving legal disputes without going to trial, by the use of a trained and impartial third party who attempts to bring the parties together in mutual agreement.

Non-custodial parent. The parent who does not have physical custody of the child(ren).

Non-marital property. Generally, property owned by either spouse prior to marriage or acquired by them individually, such as by gift or inheritance, during the marriage.

Physical custody. The day-to-day rights and responsibilities associated with having your child in your home and being responsible for his or her care and upbringing.

Petitioner. Often, the person who initiates divorce or marriage dissolution proceedings, also called the plaintiff.

Plaintiff. The person who initiates legal proceedings, often called the petitioner in family law matters.

Premarital agreement. An agreement entered into before marriage that sets forth each party's rights and responsibilities should the marriage terminate by death or divorce. Also called a prenuptial agreement.

Prenuptial agreement. An agreement entered into before marriage that sets forth each party's rights and responsibilities should the marriage terminate by death or divorce. Also called a premarital agreement.

Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). Pronounced "kwah-dro," an order issued by the court to divide retirement benefits.

Respondent. The person who answers a petition in a legal proceeding, sometimes also referred to as the defendant.

Restraining order. An order issued by the court requiring the subject of the order to refrain from doing something, often issued in conjunction with domestic violence or custody disputes.

Settlement conference. A meeting at which the parties and their lawyers attempt to settle the case before trial, often ordered by the court.

Split custody. A form of custody (generally not looked upon favorably) in which some or one of the parties' children is/are in the custody of one parent and the remaining child(ren) is/are in the custody of the other parent.

Spousal support or maintenance. Financial payments made to help support a spouse or former spouse during separation or following divorce. Also called alimony.

Stipulation. An agreement entered into by the divorcing spouses that settles the issues between them and is often entered into the court's final order or judgment and decree.

Visitation. The time that a noncustodial parent spends with his or her children.
Separation vs. Divorce

Learn what it can mean to be "separated."

Many people are confused about what is meant by "separated" — and it's no wonder, given that there are four different kinds of separations. However, how a couple is separated can have important affects on property ownership:

Trial separation. When a couple lives apart for a test period, to decide whether or not to separate permanently, it's called a trial separation. Even if the spouses don't get back together, the assets they accumulate and debts they incur during the trial period are usually considered marital property. This type of separation is usually not legally recognized, but is instead a specific period in a couple's relationship.

Living apart. Spouses who no longer reside in the same dwelling are said to be living apart. In some states, living apart without intending to reunite changes the spouses' property rights. For example, some states consider property accumulated and debts incurred while living apart to be the separate property or debt of the person who accumulated or incurred it. In other states, property is joint unless and until a divorce complaint is filed in court. Also in some states, couples must live apart for a certain period of time before they are permitted to file for a no-fault divorce.

Permanent separation. When a couple decides to permanently split up, it's often called a permanent separation. It may follow a trial separation, or may begin immediately when the couple starts living apart. In most states, all assets received and most debts incurred after permanent separation are the separate property or responsibility of the spouse incurring them. However, debts that happen after separation and before divorce are usually joint debts if they are incurred for certain necessities, such as to provide for the children or maintain the marital home.

Again, a couple's decision to permanently separate may not be considered a legal one unless one party files for legal separation instead of divorce.

Legal separation. A legal separation results when the parties separate and a court rules on the division of property, alimony, child support, custody, and visitation — but does not grant a divorce. This isn't very common, but there are situations where spouses don't want to divorce for religious, financial, or personal reasons, but do want the certainty of a court order that says they're separated and addresses all the same issues that would be decided in a divorce.

The money awarded for support of the spouse and children under these circumstances is often called separate maintenance (as opposed to alimony and child support). In some states, separate maintenance can be obtained with a motion pendente lite, or a motion "pending the litigation." Usually a lawyer files this motion. These motions set the tone for what may be awarded in a future divorce judgment.
Is there an advantage to a legal separation?

That depends on the needs of the parties. A legal separation offers a structure for the parties while they are waiting for a divorce (or while they are considering a divorce). If one spouse is paying support for the other spouse or for the children, the spouse receiving the support may want the terms put in writing. Similarly, one or both parties may want a fixed schedule of who will be with the children at what times. If these terms are part of a written agreement or court order, the parties know what to count on, and a party can go to court to seek enforcement if the other does not abide by the agreement or order. In addition, if one or both of the parties wish to obtain a religious divorce or annulment, a legal separation may provide useful transition while waiting for action by the religious tribunal. After the religious annulment or divorce is granted, the legal divorce may proceed. Depending on the wishes of the parties and tenets of the religion, the legal divorce could precede the religious divorce or annulment.

Most medical plans permit a legally separated spouse to continue to be covered in a family plan without additional cost. The parties may also file joint income tax returns if they so desire.
How do courts set child support?

Under federal law, all states have guidelines to determine child support. The guidelines are formulas that consider the income of the parties, the number of children, and perhaps some other factors. The formulas are based on studies of how much families ordinarily spend on child raising. The formulas try to approximate the proportion of parental income that would have been spent for support of the child if the family had not been divided by divorce. Courts plug numbers into the formula and come up with an amount of support that should be paid. The parties can argue that because of special circumstances, a court should order more or less support than the guideline amount.

Permanent separation. When a couple decides to permanently split up, it's often called a permanent separation. It may follow a trial separation, or may begin immediately when the couple starts living apart. In most states, all assets received and most debts incurred after permanent separation are the separate property or responsibility of the spouse incurring them. However, debts that happen after separation and before divorce are usually joint debts if they are incurred for certain necessities, such as to provide for the children or maintain the marital home.

Again, a couple's decision to permanently separate may not be considered a legal one unless one party files for legal separation instead of divorce.

Legal separation. A legal separation results when the parties separate and a court rules on the division of property, alimony, child support, custody, and visitation — but does not grant a divorce. This isn't very common, but there are situations where spouses don't want to divorce for religious, financial, or personal reasons, but do want the certainty of a court order that says they're separated and addresses all the same issues that would be decided in a divorce.

The money awarded for support of the spouse and children under these circumstances is often called separate maintenance (as opposed to alimony and child support). In some states, separate maintenance can be obtained with a motion pendente lite, or a motion "pending the litigation." Usually a lawyer files this motion. These motions set the tone for what may be awarded in a future divorce judgment.
Is there an advantage to a legal separation?

That depends on the needs of the parties. A legal separation offers a structure for the parties while they are waiting for a divorce (or while they are considering a divorce). If one spouse is paying support for the other spouse or for the children, the spouse receiving the support may want the terms put in writing. Similarly, one or both parties may want a fixed schedule of who will be with the children at what times. If these terms are part of a written agreement or court order, the parties know what to count on, and a party can go to court to seek enforcement if the other does not abide by the agreement or order. In addition, if one or both of the parties wish to obtain a religious divorce or annulment, a legal separation may provide useful transition while waiting for action by the religious tribunal. After the religious annulment or divorce is granted, the legal divorce may proceed. Depending on the wishes of the parties and tenets of the religion, the legal divorce could precede the religious divorce or annulment.

Most medical plans permit a legally separated spouse to continue to be covered in a family plan without additional cost. The parties may also file joint income tax returns if they so desire.
How do courts set child support?

Under federal law, all states have guidelines to determine child support. The guidelines are formulas that consider the income of the parties, the number of children, and perhaps some other factors. The formulas are based on studies of how much families ordinarily spend on child raising. The formulas try to approximate the proportion of parental income that would have been spent for support of the child if the family had not been divided by divorce. Courts plug numbers into the formula and come up with an amount of support that should be paid. The parties can argue that because of special circumstances, a court should order more or less support than the guideline amount.

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